Tuesday, 6 September 2016

Why Is This So Hard?

I have been struggling with the mental aspect of working with a personal trainer more than the physical one. It has really stressed me out (made worse by deciding to do this during the most stressful couple weeks of work for the entire year - and that I have given up all my vices because I have accepted F'in Alex's challenge for no pasta, ice cream, pancakes, booze etc. for 3 weeks).

I think the main reason this is such a struggle is because I don't view myself as athletic. I am a nerd, an academic. My life has focused on learning. I have completed 15 years of post-secondary education. I am making up for hating reading as a kid, but reading all the time now. I spend my long commute listening to podcasts and learning. I take courses for fun. Being anything other than an uncoordinated and clumsy nerd is something I can't picture.

Just for a little perspective: I have never been able to do a somersault (even as a young kid) or touch my toes. My elementary school gym teacher often had me sit out during activities because I was a danger to myself and others. I was always the last kid or near to last kid picked on the playground for any game (I don't blame the other kids, I wouldn't have picked me either, I was terrible).

I am doing the work I need to do to reframe how I see myself by setting realistic goals for myself for this training. The goal isn't to be an athlete, the goal is to be stronger. That should be doable in my trainer knows what he is doing and he appears to. And while F'in Alex (yes, I call him this to his face with all the missing letters and he laughs) believes he is going to make me love training and change my life, I am working toward not finding the gym one of the most terrifying places on earth, and at best a neutral place. Maybe if that happens, my life will really have changed.

I have printed this out and pasted it on my water bottle 

1 comment:

  1. Your body is capable of a lot more than you can probably imagine. You are going through the hard part now where you are waking up your body and MIND. The human body was created to move. The muscles need to be physically stressed in order to become stronger. Part of the mechanism of survival is for the mind to shut down anything that is physically stressful to the body. So it is your mind working against you and using the past to reinforce the validity of its argument. You just need to tell your mind to shut up and let your body do what will make it more fit. I think you should write another post to your mind from your body. Quit listening to yourself. You got this K10.