I don't even know where to begin this post. It is so surreal to write.
Monday night I was in bed asleep when my sister called Sam (my phone is off at night) to tell him I had to call our mom as our dad (who will turn 65 later this month) had collapsed at a funeral (FYI I find that part funny - there is an irony to almost dying at a funeral, so if you want to chuckle, please do!). At that moment it appeared my dad was going to die. They were going to airlift him to a bigger centre (2 hours away from where he lives) for surgery but didn't expect him to make it to the hospital for surgery or through the surgery. So, I went from a light slumber to possibly saying goodbye to my dad. Needless to say I didn't really sleep after that.
At 2:30 we got a text that he had survived surgery and was now minute to minute. Minute to minute has been where we have been since.
I am currently still at home. My dad is in a hospital about 6 hours away. My sister and her husband have gone to be with my mom (who had her BFF with her until they arrived, so she wasn't alone - and my brother-in-laws parents are with their kids). I am at home because it is possible that this whole "thing" (I don't even know what to call it) could go on for days. It makes the most sense for us to take turns being there.
My dad had an abdominal aortic aneurysm and is in ICU. He is having some kidney issues and there is some damage to his heart (which we don't know if was old or from this yet), and he has fluid on his lungs. But he is awake and responsive and since the collapse has continued to live for a lot of minutes.
I am trying to continue with my life as planned as best I can. I am a pretty stoic person so that helps. And yes, after 4 hours of non-continious sleep, with my dad on his death bed, I still showed up at the gym. When I fell out of the 3rd plank F'in Alex said the nicest thing he has ever said - I am paraphrasing here it was something like 'If I had so little sleep, I wouldn't have been able to do that either." I think he was sort of impressed I even showed up, most people wouldn't. But we all cope in our own ways, and following my plan helps me cope.
It is at moments like this I do wish I had a faith to provide comfort. For now I focus on a minute and then the next and look forward when we can look at time in hours or maybe days.