I walk out of my childhood home, across the lawn, towards my current car, parked in the driveway. The yard and driveway are vividly clear as I lived in this house for about 16 years (I was about 2 when my parents moved in and I stayed there until I left for university - my parents stayed for a number of years after as well). I am walking to the car to get a binder I need for work. I am walking barefoot and the ground is wet. It feels squishy under my toes. I wonder why I didn't put shoes on.
As I approach the car, it is not that far, maybe 12 steps, I notice two things: the driver's side door is open, and I have parked really close to the neighbour's, I am sort of off the driveway on a bit on their grass.
I walk behind the car, around to the driver's side, get the binder and close the door.
I walk around the front of the car. There is probably less than 6 feet from the front of the car to the side gate that leads to the backyard.
Suddenly I am in water up to my shoulders. It is like I have stepped into a lake, but it is still so clearly this small spot on the driveway. I can see in the dining room windows on the south side of the house. I look around and I see what in my dream I call alligators, but in my waking state know were caimans. I see one, then a second, and maybe a third. I clutch the binder (which is white - I dream in colour) to my chest and decide I must hurry toward the house. I take a step toward the house and I can't reach the ground. The caimans are approaching. I continue to clutch the binder to my chest with my left hand (it did not occur to me that a binder of paper would be ruined by this amount of water in my dream). I really need this data for work, for the reports I need to be doing. I begin to splash/backstroke with my right arm, with the hopes of keeping the caiman away and to move me out of the water.
I wake up at this point, in a slightly panicked state. I dream like this all the time and have since I was about 18 months. I have actually gotten really good at just letting these dreams go and going back to sleep. But this night (which was Sunday night and I am writing this detail Wednesday so you can see how clear it was to me), I can't just go back to sleep. The meaning of the dream is too clear, I can't just pretend it is anything else or a weird fantasy. I feel like I am drowning at work. That is true. I am doing what I can to relieve this burden but while I have a mountain of paperwork thanks to the provincial governments new program, plus my actual job, plus some clients with very, very severe problem behaviours (and I am responsible for reducing them) and staffing issues, there is only so much I can do. I have had some time to actually do my job this week and I remembered how much I love parts of it!
Some of the symbols:
Wet bare feet - when working at home while Sam was recovering a delivery came. I didn't hear the knock at the door (why people can't use our doorbell is beyond me). I thought the dogs were barking at deer. By the time Sam was able to communicate to me that there had been someone there, they weren't at the door. I dashed through the garage to meet them. I couldn't get the guy's attention so I went out in the muddy driveway in my sock feet. Ironically the package was new shoes!
The white binder - I have recently replaced 2 of my client's binders with white ones. One I have just replaced has been a very stressful team recently.
The caiman's - I recently had a client in the Cayman's discontinue service - I think. They had said they would get back to me after a staffing change and never did. I did send a follow up, they paid me but said nothing else. It has been an unsatisfactory ending. At least I still have a wonderful client on the island!
The open car door - no idea - although my car is on my mind a lot as she has abut 247 000 km or 153 478 miles and I know I will need to replace her soon.
My childhood home - maybe because my parents were here
Drowning - it is one of my big fears. I grew up by a lake, my parents house was a walkable distance to Lake Huron (which is now their front door). Someone drown in that lake almost every summer. Also, as I mentioned I know I am drowning at times.
That is the dream that sums up my life!